Why do more AFAB people end up non-binary?

Just a short post today. As I said before, I consider myself to be non-binary. By that, I mean I’m OK with being male – I have no desire for SRS – but I also have a strong feminine side.

In terms of my male side, I love things like football and beer. I fancy girls rather than guys (though I could happily spend some sexy time with a transwoman) and I don’t despise my male body. I often sport stubble and, according to my girlfriend, I fart too much.

Estee Lauder's Ballerina Pink nail polish - not my hands, sadly.
Estee Lauder’s Ballerina Pink nail polish – not my hands, sadly

On the flipside, I love my feminine side. I wear lingerie every day and nighties to bed. I have my eyebrows waxed every few weeks at a salon, all my body hair is gone (some by shaving, some by IPL) and I like to keep my nails manicured and sometimes painted with a virtually invisible pink shade – Estee Lauder’s Ballerina Pink. Most of my outer clothes are girls’, but they’re androgynous.

So I like to push the boundaries as much as possible but try not to get found out. I’ve tried to grow breasts before, with limited success, using, at various points, phytoestrogens, a breast pump and massage. And I intend to begin HRT in the next 18 months or so (long, long, long NHS wait).

But I’ve never felt like I want to go all the way. I like my penis – it’s given me so much pleasure over the years and I don’t want to lose it. I still want to present as a male when I’m on HRT – albeit a more curvy one.

So I guess that makes me non-binary rather than transsexual. I want the best of both worlds. Does that make me a “ladyboy”? A “shemale”? I don’t like either term but maybe it does.

So, having come across the term “non-binary” a few weeks ago, I began reading as much as I possibly could about it. Sure enough, I found blogs and forum posts from a few guys like me, who wanted to feminise themselves without going all the way.

And yet there seems to be many more posts from AFAB (Assigned Female at Birth) people who are taking testosterone than the other way round. I guess this has confused me a little because I thought most transgender (umbrella term) people were AMAB (Assigned Male at Birth).

Certainly, there are many more AMAB people who become transwomen than AFAB women who become transmen.

So why does it appear to be the other way round away in the non-binary area of the gender spectrum?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Andie x

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