Begin to Hope?

Before you read on, I confess to being a little under the influence of Mr Jack Daniel, of Tennessee. OK, more than a little. It’s 12.35am and the sour mash is doing its thing. I’ve been working all day and now I can’t work anymore. The alcohol rain has stopped play. I can still write, though. It’s all good.

Hello dear reader! How the f*ck are ya! I thought I’d better update the old blog…


Yeah, right. I wrote that and then went away to listen to a song. It’s called Obsolete. It’s basically about someone feeling a bit, ya know, inadequate. Topical.

It’s 12.49am. Sunday into Monday. I’m listening to a new album on Spotify. On there, you can see which of your friends is listening to what. Everyone’s asleep now. Apart from me and buddy Phil, who’s listening to someone I’ve never heard of.

So, update time. Georgie and are going for counselling. It was my idea. I’m scared, I’m really terrified. I don’t know what I’m scared of – maybe of the process, maybe of the process not working. Maybe of the process working!

Despite breaking up, we’ve seen a lot of each other just lately, dining out in the last two weekends. It’s all gone swimmingly. We’ve got on famously, there’s been that “connection”, it’s basically felt like we’re dating again. I’ve felt a love I rarely felt when we were together. A case of you don’t realise what you have until it’s gone, I guess.

So, yep, I suggested we go for some relationship counselling and, to my amazement, she agreed. So I started looking round at various agencies – Relate and the like. In the end, we settled on Derbyshire LGBT+, formerly Derbyshire Friend. It’s in the same building in which I went to the trans support meeting a year or so ago, back when I began this blog.

So we’re off there on Tuesday afternoon – tomorrow afternoon. THE TRANS THING is something Georgie and I find hard to talk about, so, the past couple of times we’ve met, it’s only been mentioned as we’ve said goodbye at the end of the night.

“Are you OK about Tuesday?” Questions like that. The answer’s always the same – she can’t see any way past her fears. Maybe that’s why I’m so scared. But she says she’s willing to try – and that maybe the counsellors can suggest something that she’s not considered before. I just urge her to go in there with an open mind, saying that if she goes in thinking that it won’t work, it won’t work.

Update to follow tomorrow, I guess.

Meanwhile, a musical artist called Regina Spektor is touring here for the first time in years and I bought two tickets a few months back. I asked Georgie if she’d like to come but, to be fair, she’s working that day, and the following day.

So I asked the lady who got me into Regina in the first place. And, to my amazement, she said she’d love to come.

Let’s call her Emma. I met her through work back in 2009. We had a couple of dates and I fell truly, madly, deeply in love. Things didn’t develop because of “the trans thing” and now she’s married with a baby.

Funny how the trans thing has never been an issue until then – and now it is again. And now I’m going to see her again.

So Emma and I have been busy catching up on Twitter Messenger tonight – something I don’t think existed when we first found each other.

I’m really looking forward to seeing her again – not from a romantic point of view, plenty of water under the bridge since those days – but because I remember such a vivid, vibrant personality – and because she got me into the artist in the first place.

I’m listening to the album still. A track called Happy New Year now. Happy New Year, folks. A message of hope. That’s better than Obsolete, eh?

Andie x


6 thoughts on “Begin to Hope?

  1. Hiya Andie,

    Haven’t caught you on Twitter for an age.

    Sorry to hear of your relationship troubles but really encouraged that Georgie has agreed to try counselling so very best of luck with it.

    My Wife is very much of the same mind, worse to a degree in that she struggles with the non binary identity too. I totally sympathise with her but…well you understand!

    Have just read your GIC blog entry too and am wondering how much beyond an acknowledgement you have had from them? My GP said he would probably have to provide them with a blood test/hormone profile at some point but so far nothing. I’m about 6 months behind you in the ‘queue’.

    Anyways, take care & enjoy the gig 🙂


    • Hi Shazzl3, thanks so much for the reply. Yes, I’ve not used Twitter for a bit – been so busy with the rest of my life. What’s your username on there?

      Went for our first counselling session today and it was really great – I’ll blog about it later – but it really couldn’t have gone any better. Thank you so much, Derbyshire LGBT+!

      In terms of the GIC, I’m still waiting – the latest is that it won’t be until about April when I have my first appointment. Yes, I’d expect you will have to give a hormone test.

      Lovely to hear from you! Andie xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hiya Andie,

        Good to hear that the first counselling session went well. Am really happy for you both 🙂

        My handle on twitter is Sharon @shazzl3. Strange thing is, I’m not sure that Sharon fits. The name only came about after a bottle of hair dye led to my kids saying I looked like Sharon Osbourne lol! Whilst it works well enough in the closet, in meditating on coming out socially it doesn’t seem to fit for some reason. Should the day come I’m pretty much heading towards a name that shares the Scottish origins & Initial of my birth name. It feels more comfortable too if that makes any sense.

        Oh & one thing I forgot to ask! How is the laser going? During a depressed spell about 6 months ago I stopped electro. Am feeling stronger now & thinking of giving laser a try.

        Anyway sorry for rambling – take care!


        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Sharon, thanks for your reply. I know what you mean about the name thing. Over the years, I’ve been various names, such as Amy. I prefer Andie, though. What was the Scottish name you were thinking of?

    The laser’s going really well. I’d say 99% of the dark hairs are now history. There’s still quite a few stubborn blonde ones hanging in there, but I’ve still got a few more sessions left, and then I might go for electrolysis to zap those that remain.

    All the best,

    Andie x


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s