… or WARDROBE as we say in the good old UK. Closet indeed. So, the other day, during probably the crappiest period of my life, I said the only way is up – and now I’m on the rise. I’ve spent the entire day sorting out my clothes. And there aren’t many male ones left.
Last night was much like any other night in recent weeks – depression and anxiety, and a bottle of wine to take them both away. Then the munchies – and then eight tomato sausages from the butcher’s. Delicious, but I’m supposed to be losing weight.
I’ve not slept well for ages – and last night was bad. When I’m anxious, I get bloated, and then I can’t breathe properly – so then my body decides to wake me up, screaming. It’s frightening, but I’m kind of used to it now.
Didn’t feel great this morning. The virus is still here and my shoulder still hurts from that bouncer attack three weeks ago. Plus I now have the most awful back ache.
This gets better – bear with me!
I decided not to take part in the bike ride I was supposed to be doing and to spend the day at home instead, having a bit of a tidy-up. After a couple of leisurely hours washing up and sorting out my kitchen, I decided to finish Project Wardrobe – something I started a few weeks ago.
This basically involves sorting out all my clothes. It also includes Project Chest of Drawers 1 and Project Chest of Drawers 2.
I’ve not bought any male clothes for a few years now. Most things I’ve bought have been girl clothes, and most of those have been androgynous – so boyfriend jeans, cartoon T-shirts, plain white shirts without bust darts. You get the idea.
I also have loads of more girly clothes. Some of these I’ve bought over the past 20 years or so and many of those I bought when I was much bigger than I am now, telling myself: one day, they’ll fit. I also have a fair amount of hand-me-downs – clothes given to me by friends.
So, in a nutshell, I have…
- Girly clothes – dresses, skirts, blouses, tops, lingerie, heels, etc.
- Androgynous female clothes – jeans, T-shirts, shirts, trainers and flat shoes/boots.
- Male clothes – more T-shirts, trousers, shirts, etc.
As I say, I’ve not bought any male clothes or shoes for years. All my male shoes have now been worn out and replaced with girl/androgynous equivalents. But I’ve carried on wearing a few male garments – mainly T-shirts, shirts, coats and work trousers.
Now I’ve had a bit of a clear-out. Well, a lot of a clear-out. I’ve kept three shirts, two coats, a handful of T-shirts, one pair of trousers and my Tuxedo – I love my Tuxedo. And that’s about it.
I intend to eventually replace all of them with female/androgynous equivalents once they’re worn out – even the Tux. Female Tuxedos are fab!
All the rest has been bagged up for the charity shop. In their place – and in the place of Georgie’s clothes – I’ve opened up the vacuum-packed bags of girl clothes and been through them.
Most of them are unfashionable or too big now – so they’ve joined the bloke clothes in the charity shop bags.
But there are quite a few dresses, skirts, trousers, shorts, blouses and tops which I love and which have all been hung up in the wardrobe – or placed in drawers.
Some of them fit, some of them are a little on the small side, but hopefully they’ll fit in the next few months. But it’s lovely to open my wardrobe now and see them all neatly arranged before me.
I’m also going to make an effort to wear more of my girly clothes more often. I’m not brave enough to leave the house in a skirt or dress, unless it’s for fancy dress. I still consider myself non-binary and not transsexual.
But at home, why not wear a skirt and a blouse, or a frock for the day? It feels comfortable – it feels right.
So that’s it really. A bit of spring cleaning and reorganising. I’ve also made enquiries about taking up pilates because my cycling is killing my back – and making me far too stiff for ballet when I need to be flexible.
Baby steps, but it’s a start.