Well, I say first picture – that’s not strictly true. I took a few with my old 35mm camera back in the late 1980s. But this is my first facial picture on the blog, and it follows my makeup party. Hope you like it.Those first pictures were taken during my teens. My camera had no timer on it, so to take the selfie, I had to attach a heavy HP2 battery to a long shoelace and, with the aid of a ceiling lampshade, suspend it over the shutter button.
When I let go of my end of the shoelace, the battery fell onto the button and took the picture. Genius! I still have the blurry pics somewhere of me in various outfits, probably with very dodgy makeup. One involved a tennis top and skirt, complete with racquet!
Anyway, Saturday night was my makeup party, which I wrote about before the event here. Since Georgie left, I cancelled the cleaner we used to have, and so the house was getting in a bit of a state.
So I spent most of last week spring cleaning – and now the old place is sparkling. I don’t do things by halves, so I either don’t clean at all, or I clean like Kim and Aggie at the top of their game.
Saturday arrived and it was party day. A couple of friends had sadly dropped out, but I still had five coming – plus Paula the makeup lady, plus me, so seven in all – plenty for my little lounge.
I finished the cleaning and got ready, wearing the same black gown, shoes and accessories I wore for NYE, but minus the opera gloves and feather boa. I do have more dresses – but I need to lose a bit more weight before they fit properly.
And then I prepped a chilli (which never got cooked, let alone eaten!) and waited for people to arrive. I lit a fire and a few candles. The old place was looking all twinkly, warm and cosy.
Knock at the door and it was my pal Caroline. Big hugs were exchanged and she’d bought me the most beautiful gift – a little wooden box, complete with ballet shoes on the lid. I have a thing for little boxes to keep jewellery and keepsakes in, so this really ticked all my boxes. As it were.
After Caroline, Paula turned up and scared me a bit by saying she’d got her boyfriend with her. I thought it was just to help her with all her gear, but no. He planned on staying for the duration. Eeek! I was a bit worried at the time but, as the evening went on, he turned out to be a lovely chap – and had a quite an in-depth knowledge of makeup brushes!
I think Michelle arrived next, and then Diane. Drinks all round, and it was time to get started. Paula had brought along a sort of tall director’s chair for me to sit in, so in I got. A bright circular light illuminated my face, totally killing the candlelight ambience but making for some ace photographs later.
And then she proceeded to make me over, starting with some mighty fine HD eyebrows and then moving on to the eyes themselves, adding all manner of primers, concealers, brown eyeshadows and a gorgeous copper glitter gel.
After a while, my ballet teachers Miss Sarah and Miss Anna arrived. Bless them, they looked so tired after teaching dance all day, but I really appreciated them coming along to support me. They were back to work at 8.30am the next morning, too. Thanks again, ladies. You rock!
The rest of my face involved more concealers and primers, foundation, blusher, highlighters, you name it. I took loads of notes but dunno if I’ll be able to make head or tail of them. We used 14 different brushes alone, not to mention dozens of products and techniques.
We started at maybe 7.30pm and were still going strong at 10pm, when Miss Clare and Miss Shannon, Caroline and Diane, headed home. We finished with the lips, using a base, a lipliner and a gloss. And I was really happy with the results!
I loved my wide-open eyes, my rosy cheek apples and my plump lips especially. I don’t have much dark facial hair left thanks to laser but, what little remained, was covered up perfectly with the foundation and other products.
I’ll never be able to replicate these results myself – Paula is a pro and has worked with some top makeup artists – but at least I’ve got the memories and some great pictures.
As Paula and her fella packed up all their stuff, I headed upstairs to look in my bathroom mirror. I smiled – and I really shocked myself. I’ve always disliked my smile – it looks rubbish. But, with the makeup, Paula had given me a pretty and beaming smile. It might just have been the wine, but I looked radiant, and so, so happy.
After they headed home, Michelle and I stayed up in the lounge, listening to music, drinking wine in the firelight and having a brilliant conversation about all manner of topics. I forget most of them because the wine was really kicking in by that point, but we spoke of trans issues a fair bit. I also distinctly remember saying: “I should have been born a girl”.
Still non-binary, though! Still non-binary! :o)
The following day, the girls started to email me pictures from their phones. I was amazed to see them. The earlier pics looked rather “bloke in a frock” to me but then they just got better and better, and I love the ones where the makeup is finished, or close to being finished.
And so I updated my profile picture on Twitter – and instantly got lots of love from other trans girls I’d been friends with for many months but who had never seen what I really look like. I just had a Swan Lake picture before that.
And I guess doing that – and making this post – will increase the risk of someone one day stumbling across the blog and realising who I really am – and then spreading the word (even though the picture looks absolutely nothing like Bloke Me). If that’s you, right now, dear reader, please don’t do that.
While most people I know have been fine with me telling them about my female side, there are those who I’d hate to know – and who could make my life a lot more difficult than it is now.
But at the end of the day, it’s just one picture, and I’m doing nothing wrong. If anyone has a problem with me being trans, it’s them with the problem, not me.
I’m certainly not harming anyone – I’m just getting more in touch with a side of me that allows me to sparkle and shine, inside and out. And that’s given me a smile that I never before thought possible.