Just got off the phone to my sister – and it appears there are major concerns about my transition from my parents – and my brother-in-law. Great!
I’d spoken to my dad earlier. He sounded very chirpy and invited me to lunch with him and my mum. He didn’t mention trans issues but I just said I’d love to join them and that we could have a chat. Got off the phone feeling very happy.
And then my sister just called – she saw them earlier today. And it appears that my parents and brother-in-law, who were initially supportive and positive, now have something of a wobble.
This kind of thing…
- Is it a phase? Like when you were a vegan before for two years.
- Dad doesn’t want to stand with you at the football if you’re “dressed as a woman”.
- What will you wear in front of the girls (my nieces)?
- What will you wear on Christmas Day, in front of the inlaws?
- You didn’t play with girls’ toys as a child (I did, actually!)
- You shouldn’t be taking estrogen after you’ve had DVT.
- They’d rather you didn’t do this.
So yeah, I know I’ve got to accept that it’s going to take them a long time to understand what’s happening. As my sis says, I’ve had decades to get my head around this – they’ve had a few days.
But this is what I was fearing – just a big, long list of negatives, and not a single positive. Hey, forget that Andie wants to feel better in HER own skin – WHAT WILL OTHER PEOPLE THINK IF HE DRESSES LIKE A WOMAN?!
Fuck other people! If they can’t handle it, it’s tough shit. As I’ve said on this blog a million times, the reaction from people so far has been magical. I know there will be the occasional bigot who has issues, but I can’t just pop this “trans thing” back in its little box and go back to being an unhappy bloke just because they’d feel more comfortable that way.
Is it a phase? Jeez, yeah, I was a vegan for two years – but I was a shit vegan. It was only an attempt to lose weight. I tried to get into the animal welfare side of it, but it was all about weight loss. Of course it’s not a bloody phase!!!
Dad doesn’t want to stand with you at football if you’re “dressed as a woman”. I can sympathise with this one. There are some arseholes at the football and I wouldn’t want him feeling bad there. But will I be wearing a dress? Er, no. I’ll wear jeans and T-shirt like I’ve always done. Also, “dressed as a woman”? You’re still seeing me as a man. I’M NOT A FUCKING MAN!
What will you wear in front of the girls? Kids are fine about this kind of stuff. It’s only narrow-minded parents who aren’t. Their dad once threatened to kick out his daughter if she turned out to be a lesbian. And he meant it. I’ve never forgiven him for that. I’d hoped we’d made some headway on this, but clearly not.
What will you wear on Christmas Day, in front of the inlaws? I’ll wear what the hell I like in front of people I see once a year. If they’re bigots, it’s their problem.
You didn’t play with girls’ toys as a child… Maybe if you’d bought me some, I’d have played with them. Every Christmas, and every time it was my sister’s birthday, I was insanely jealous of her gifts. And I spent hours playing with my sister’s Sindy dolls. I even made clothes for them. But that was in secret. I didn’t play with her other stuff because to do so would have caused fucking uproar!
You shouldn’t be taking estrogen after you’ve had DVT. A valid concern, this one, but all this will be done through the gender clinic and will involve an endocrinologist and shit-loads of tests. I’ll be fine!
They’d rather you didn’t do this. Well, very sorry but not doing this when I’ve come so far is simply not an option anymore. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life (well, was, until now). No going back. Not now, not ever.
And to make matters even worse, my sister feels like “piggy in the middle” and says the whole family are bickering with each other.
Why can’t they see this like I do, and like my friends do, as a bloody great big positive – and to hell with what a tiny minority of bigots might think?